PatGames

Equipment: none
Players: any

RULES

In the grand tradition of “20 Questions”, PatGames brings you another guessing game – one that combines the thrill of fast-action question-and-answer with the smug pretension of recollecting all the pecker-heads of the day that you’ve had to deal with.

Simply appoint someone in the group to go first. Their job is to pick a yutz, a schlemiel, a whopping doofus that he and all of the other players have had to deal with that week (by the way, this is a great game to play amongst co-workers at happy hour on Fridays). Then the other players – the guessers – each get to ask one question, in turn, in hopes of divining who the mystery yutz is. Guessers get to make up their own questions, but they all need to take the form of “What kind of[blank] would you be.” The guessee must then answer the question as if he were the mystery yutz.

For example, if the guessee was pretending to be the yutz that works in accounting who always invites themselves along for beers after work and never pays for drinks and hits on his female co-workers until happy hour is over before moving on to scam drinks off the cougars and trophy wives at the bar, then the question and answer might go like this:

Q: “What kind of car would you be?”
A: “I’d be crappy little second-hand Toyota because it gets the best gas mileage – trust me, I have computed it to three decimal places.”

Q: “What kind of comic book villain would you be?”
A: “I’d be Ninja Water Cooler Man, because somehow, I seem to always know what bar you guys are heading to after work even though you try to change it every week.”

Q: “What kind of Welsh Cheese would you be?”
A: “Why, I’d be Chyr-Ilygyrhyv-Thylli Stilton… hey baby, has anyone ever told you that your arm flab is almost imperceptible in that hot tiger print spandex unitard?”
And after each question, the guesser gets to make one guess as to who they think the yutz is. If they get it wrong, the next guesser gets their turn. If they get it right, then someone else gets to take a turn being the guessee.

VARIATIONS
Play this game with a theme.
- All yutzes have to be from upper management.
- All yutzes have to be people who are regulars at the bar you are in.
- All questions have to be asked in an Irish Brogue.

Also, if the group does not agree that the mystery person is in fact a complete yutz, you have to buy the group a round a drinks, you putz!
Oh, wait, that’s a different game.